The Myth of Having It All Figured Out in Your 20s
During the fall semester, I hit a wall. Somewhere between juggling classes, work, friendships, and my personal life, I had convinced myself that I was doing “it” all wrong. The more I compared my life to the version of “success” constantly promoted by the world around me and amplified on social media, the more I began to believe that I was falling behind.
I started telling myself lies that seemed frighteningly real: that it was too late, that I wasted time, that it was too late to change direction, and that somehow I was already on the wrong path. At the lowest point, I questioned whether I should still be in college at all, not because I was struggling academically or disliked my experience, but because I had allowed outside pressure to make me believe that I was standing in the way of the career I dreamed of.
At that moment, I had bought into a pernicious myth: that you’re supposed to have your entire life figured out in your 20s. Believing that lie made me lose something far more important: the plan God has already set before me. Thankfully, through the immense encouragement of my parents, family, and friends, I was able to climb out of that mindset. Throughout that season, I discovered a few new lessons that have changed how I view my journey, and I would like to share these gems with you.
Growing up, I can recall hearing cliches like “your 20s are for setting the foundation,” or “your 20s are the defining decade of adulthood.” I even remember being asked somewhere between the ages of 13 and 18 what my life plan would be, as if I even knew what my plan for the next day was.
As soon as a child is old enough to speak, they are asked the number one question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And since the dawn of time, there has been immense pressure on young adults to know exactly how they should map out their lives. Young adults experience this pressure first from their family members and, secondly, from various forms of media. Mass media has a unique way of pressuring young adults to have their entire lives mapped out by presenting main characters who achieve overnight success, financial freedom, and conventional milestones immediately after completing their education. This “main character” narrative directly ignores the reality of unpredictability, creating immense waves of pressure on young adults.
You have the obvious popular teen drama television shows like Gossip Girl and The Summer I Turned Pretty, which present young adults who appear to have polished demeanors, emotional intensity over adolescence, and escapism through ideal lifestyles, that depict a sense of immediacy in life, while hiding the reality of it. Then you have the endless surges of social media influencers, primarily on TikTok, who have become famous or gone viral for showcasing a life that seems flawless, which in our present climate is the greatest motivator of this myth. In its early stages, TikTok was a powerful app to explore and connect with varying communities, but in recent years, there has been an influx of urgency-driven media that removes the individual from reality and, in return, shifts focus onto the doomed future.
The myth of having your entire life figured out in your 20s is deeply damaging. When you feel pressured to define and accept your place in the world too early, it becomes almost inevitable to compare yourself to others, who haven’t lived your unique history or experienced life the way you have. Social media and outside perspectives make it even easier to measure your progress against carefully curated versions of someone else’s success, creating a distorted and unfair standard. Subconsciously, this mindset stunts growth and undermines it by convincing you that you are already falling behind.
When I find myself starting to get wrapped up in this myth, I remember a life lesson my mom has taught my siblings and me since we were young: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” This phrase is so simple, yet it holds immense weight because one of the main things comparison robs you of is your sanity. Now, being that I am 20 years old, I realize that I have much more to learn regarding life and all of the uncertainties that come with it, but what I have learned thus far is the importance of knowing who I AM, and what I have been called to create. We all have a purpose to fulfill in this world, and oftentimes that vision is not crystal clear, but what matters most in the chaos of it all is remaining true to who you are. There is no guide on what this should look like, nor is there a correct way to go about this. I am learning that when you fully embrace the deepest vessels of yourself, you will find that everything you thought you needed or had to acquire to be successful already lies within you; you just have to permit yourself the right to be radically accepted.
